Don’t Catch a Case Trying to Keep a Man!
My first trial was a circus.
A young twenty-something year old man along with three of his children’s mothers and a female friend, were all accused of beating up the fourth mother of his children. The women were alleged to have done the hitting. The man was accused of orchestrating it all.
Much to my chagrin, my trial partner and I represented all five defendants. Clearly, I was young and dumb. (Any lawyer reading this can only imagine the number of conflicts that could have arisen.)
As the dramatic and complicated romantic connections unfolded in the trial, all of the women spoke in glowing terms about the guy. They all clearly still had a thing for him, including the alleged victim of the beat-down.
I remember thinking to myself, “What in the hell? All of this over a dude?” I just couldn’t wrap my head around it.
Since that trial so many years ago, I have found myself befuddled, asking that same question, again and again. I have heard tale after tale of a woman risking her safety, sanity, liberty for a lover.
To be clear, I am not talking about women who have been emotionally or physically abused or coerced into committing a crime against her will. No. I’m not talking about victims of sex trafficking or sexual abuse or domestic violence.
I’m also not talking about dumb women or desperate ones. Usually the women who get mixed up in this mess are attractive, articulate, smart, young (always so young), but strung out – on a man (or a woman). I’m talking about women who were so “drunk in love” that they:
* held his drugs
* held his gun
* lied to the police for him
* lied to the prosecution for him
* cashed the bad check for him in her own bank account
* stole the money or the items from her job for him
* jumped in front of a moving car to keep him from being apprehended
* jumped in front of a moving car to keep him from leaving
* beat another woman up to keep him
* set up a friend to get robbed by him
* threatened another woman on social media
The list goes on.
Now that I think about it, it’s less about proving love, than it is about showing absolute, unwavering loyalty to that man. She has to prove she’s a “rider,” a “hitter,” even if he never asked her to, even if she’s not his only girl. If everyone else in the world turns their back on him, she needs him to know that she’ll “hold him down.”
Every chick wants to be “On The Run” on some “Bonnie & Clyde ish.”
Unfortunately, Bonnie’s whole life gets upended, leaving in its wake her job, her education, her credit score, her unblemished record, her bank account and her kids.
And in many cases that I have seen, Clyde actually gets away. Yep. No arrest, no charges, no consequences, even if the prosecution knows his name and whereabouts, he goes free. Meanwhile, she goes to the joint.
Don’t get me wrong. I get loyalty and partnership and support. I understand loving hard. Sis, I truly do. However, I have yet to meet a man who was worth going to jail for.
I pray you haven’t either. You’re worth more than that.
*the picture is of a couple who is alleged to have robbed banks in Georgia in Fall 2017